Vocals and Guitar - Olga
Bass - Gary Fun
Produced by Michael (Olga) Algar and Keith Nichol
Engineered by John Spence
Recorded at Fairview Studios, Hull, UK
Olga: "Strange one this, my amplifier wasn’t working properly so I had to use a different amp with a foot pedal. I am not happy with the guitar sound, the songs were not bad, and the whole sound is a bit too compressed. 500 Miles is awful. The songs are so so, what can I say? Not the worst album, though not the greatest!"
One more, one more, one more, one more...
Addict with an apple mac, megabyte maniac
Moron with a mouse mat, a junky
Distressed, you've guessed, obviously obsessed
I, need more memory!
He's a prat, he's a bore, with a word processor
Don't disturb on the door, no entry
Mad man won't become, parted from his pentium
Shot his mam just coz, she dusted and selected dos
Can i possibly survive, with out windows 95
It crashes when i double click, crackin' up i'm hysteric
Gimme gimme gimme one more
Gimme gimme gimme one more
I need another megabyte to save my sanity - one more!
Where's he at, where's he gone, creep with a computer on
In his room , all night long, leave me be!
Yelled when he saw, the bolt on his bedroom door
Can't take no more, life without a monitor
Don't need these, pc d t's
Achin', no fakin', i'm a sh sh sh sh shakin'
Megabyte, byte byte, megabyte one more one more megabyte memory megabyte, byte byte,
Megabyte one more one more mega megabyte for me
Nobody loves me, nobody cares
Nobody invites me to the party, we don't want him there
Introverted, we say
Sittin’ all alone each night it's so sad, he ain't got no mates
Don't say a word, don't say a word, don't say a word to me
My oh my, i just don't know why,
Tell me why, oh why i'm a lonesome guy
Down the pub everyone stares
I'm a lonely bastard there's
No one more, no more lonely than me
No more, no more lonely than me
Nobody calls me nobody phones
Nobody ever sent a postcard to me, i'm always alone
He's a lonely bastard
She looks so grand a one night stand maybe
I took my chance i said "let's dance baby"
How was he to know, she would never let him go
Back at my place, in an embrace, we were
And stuck together i could never leave her
If he only knew, he'd fallen for a tube o' super glue
She's a leech - she's my shadow, she won't let go, na na na na
She's a leech - she's schizophrenic, she's magnetic, na na na na, stuck on me
Life's been hell since she got welded to me
I go nowhere unless she's there, ooeee
Can't escape this one, skintight fatal attraction
She sucked me dry
‘twas fortunate when my best mate wooed her
He's a blockhead he's been bonded to her
With his bird in bed, now she's stuck on him instead…
I can't stop moping - i can't stop crying
I just ain't coping - don't feel like trying
"don't ditch me," i cry, but this is her reply
She said "oi mush, you've got the push goodbye!"
Some days, she said they're through, i always knew she'd leave again
Some days, she lied through her teeth, she'll be back with keith some day
My heart is broken - jilted she blew me out
A mug once again, he's been dumped there's no doubt that
She's gone i'm alone, i must be off my head
Guess i should have known, she's keeping keith instead
When i wake up yeah i know i'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you
When i go out yeah i know i'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you
If i get drunk yes i know i'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you
And if i haver yeah i know i'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you
But i would walk 500 miles
And i would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1,000 miles
To fall down at your door
When i'm working yes i know i'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you
And when the money comes in for the work i'll do
I'll pass almost every penny on to you
When i come home yeah i know i'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you
And if i grow old well i know i'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you
When i'm lonely yes i know i'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you
When i'm dreaming yes i know i'm gonna dream
Dream about the time when i'm with you
When i was young my father said "son i have something to say,"
And what he told me i'll never forget, until my dying day.
He said, "son you are a bachelor boy and that's the way to stay, son you are a bachelor boy"
-huh- i wish i was a bloody bachelor boy
A happy ba-che-lor was he,
But he ain't no more, gormless garry
Us he ditched, when he got hitched to a witch and a bitch called... Melanie
Who's that then? - garry, who? - garry
Slouched on the couch with that cow,
There ain't any doubt there's no escape
Now off his head, contented
Instead he wed, melanie
He said, "i only wanted to stay young"
But the silly sucker, flung his life away
"i only wanted to be free"
And he took no notice o' me
And it's all over now -huh- for garry
The bag nagged gaz to have a kid
The most gormless thing garry ever did
Stuck in a rut, he knows he's a nut, with a pain in the butt called melanie
Off his head, off his tree
Garry was a sucker when he married melanie
Don't want to be sylvester stallone, don't push me
Never never gonna star in "home alone"
Hamlet, macbeth, i'm crazy for king lear
There's nothing more exciting than reciting shakespeare
Fred olivier, to be or not to be
Fred olivier, i want my equity
Don't want to go to hollywood
I sit alone and live the bard
I quote othello and i me feel weak
I'm the only one who understands what i speak
Take it away shakey!!!
I tread the boards till it made me scream
But it was only a midsummer nights dream,
There's more to life than a shakespearean clone
All i want is fame and fortune
"i'm so glad" he tells me and you, "it's so sad" we know it ain't true lies,
Oooh, in tommy's head
He told me, "i'm head over heels," a phony
We know how he feels, the torment that he feels
In tommy's head, he can't believe
In tommy's head, she had to leave
In tommy's head, he'll always yearn
In tommy's head, she will return
"i don't mind," happy, so he seems
We ain't blind, we know what he dreams, what he always dreams
And he just can't hide, that feeling inside tommy
He tells me, "we're happy" he could never guess
He's a berk, while he's at work, she's an adult t t t t t tress
Chorus... (guitar bit):
She's a bored, bored housewife - in the cul-de-sac
She's a bored, bored housewife - she's a nymphomaniac
She's a bored, bored housewife - a floozy in fact very... Bored
It don't hurt, to have a flirt
But she's a jeze b b b b b bel, yes
She's a bored bored housewife, a floozy in fact really.
She's a randy swine who swears
"i don't have clandestine affairs" i'm bored, bored, bored, bored, bored!
He's a pratt, we know that his missus is, his missus is a whore!
"come up and see me sometime"
Makes me grin makes me laugh too
Makes me sad makes me blue
When i remember nobby who,
Danced a jig for me and you
To see the smiles of nobby styles at wembley
I weren't no football fan till he
A dwarf came dribbling, on tv
Mesmerized by the mastery of wee nimble nobby
Just a dream it all seemed so far away
The world cup theme, and nobby's team both play
Nobby, in our memory
Hear them yell and hear them call
Nobby, in our memory
Hear them bellow and hear them roar
Ooooooohh, the memory, of nobby lives on
We stayed home that day to see england vs germany
Always in the memory, the soccer styles of nobby
To feel the thrills from his skills, was uncanny
Nobby still, sends a chill through me
The devil went down to scunthorpe, looking for a soul to steal
In a bind an' way behind he was willin' to make a deal.
When he came across this young man pickin' on a guitar, playing it hot
An' the devil jumped on a hickory stump an' said 'i'll tell ya what'
I guess you didn't know it, i'm a guitar player too,
And if you care to take a dare i'll make a bet with you.
Now you play a real good guitar boy, but give the devil his due,
I'll bet a guitar of gold to get your soul 'cause i think i’m better than you.
The boy said my name's johnny, it might be a sin, i’ll take your bet
You're gonna regret, i'm the best i've ever been.
Johnny risen up your pick an' play your guitar hard
'cause hell's broke loose in scunthorpe an' the devil deals the cards.
Now if you win you'll get this shiny guitar made of gold,
But if you loose the devil gets your soul!
The devil opened up his case and said 'i'll start this gig'
And fire flew from his finger tips as he risened up his pick.
He strummed the pick across the strings it made an evil hiss
Then a band of demons joined in and it sounded something like this
When the devil finished johnny said 'you're pretty good ol' son,
But sit down in that chair right there let me show you how it's done!'
Fire on the mountain run boy's run!
Devil's in the house of the rising sun!
Chicken in the bread pan pickin out dough!
Ready says you don't fight, no child, no!
The devil bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat,
And he laid that golden guitar on the ground at johnny's feet.
Johnny said 'devil come on back if you ever want to try again,
And i told you once you son of a bitch i’m the best i've ever been!'