ORCASTRATED

Vocals and Guitar - Olga
Bass and Vocals - K'Cee
Drums and Vocals (lead vocals on Lazy Sunday Afternoon) - Marty
Produced by Michael (Olga) Algar
Recorded by John Spence
Recorded at Fairview Studios, Hull, UK

Olga: "After the superb Absurd Ditties we had high hopes for this album, however, its poor production, and 50% poor songs, 50% not bad. Poltergeist In The Pantry is nice. Can’t really say much about this album other than I rarely listen to it!"

POLTERGEIST IN THE PANTRY

I felt like a snack in the middle of the night
I crept down stairs for a nibble and a bite, ooee ooee
A crash beyond the kitchen door
Told me that it was back for more, ooee ooee

You might o' guessed, i am possessed
I really must insist
May i suggest invest in an exorcist.

Chorus:
Help me, oo ee
Oo ee, believe me
Geist ooo ooo poltergeist ooo ooo
Where's he?...
In the pantry.

I went goose pimplyfied
No where to run, no where to hide, for me
I was skeptical before
But a pantry poltergeist i saw here to stay.

Chorus: guitar time/you might o' guessed...
Chorus & in the pantry...Poltergeist...

PLEASE RELEASE ME / DARLING I LOATHE YOU

When i met you, i thought how sweet,
My lonely life would now be complete
If only i knew, have i no brain?
You're a two faced tramp, driving me insane.

Chorus:
Dearest darling, i leave this note for you
A love letter with sincerity
Dearest darling, i leave this note for you
Get out o' my life, get out o' my life
Coz i...Loathe You

You smiled at me, she smiled at him
My heart melted, his heart melted
This was the real thing, this was the real thing
I'm besotted, he's besotted
What a nincompoop, you're the devil in a frock
I'm a naive nugget, and you made me a laughing stock

Chorus

Guitar time/chorus.

TAKEN FOR A MUG

Everybody says i'm a gully ully ullible guy
Everybody sniggers & laughs when they pass by
A love sick nut easily misled
He's always infatuated
Birds all do with me just as they please
& they all say i'm a sissy with weak knees

Everybody knows...

Chorus:
Mug i'm a mug i've been taken for a mug again
Mug he's a mug he's been taken for a ride
Mug i'm a mug i've been taken for a mug again
Taken taken taken taken taken taken taken for a ride

I let women walk all over me
I should tell them nick off politely
A spineless sucker with no back bone
He ain't got no mind of his own
A soft touch, i am far too long to trick me

Chorus/(guitar bit)

I'm too vulnerable my mates say
A dimwit any dame can lead astray, ay

Everybody knows...Chorus(2x)

He's been taken for a mug

ANY DREAM WILL DO

I closed my eyes, drew back the curtain
To see for certain, what i thought i knew
Far far away, someone was weeping
But the world was sleeping, any dream will do

I wore my coat, with golden lining
Bright colours shinning, wonderful & new
And in the east, the dawn was breaking
The world was waking, any dream will do

A crash of drums, a flash of light
My golden coat flew outta sight
The colours faded into darkness, i was left alone

May i return, to the beginning
The light is dimming, and the dream is too
The world & i, we are still waiting
Still hhhhesitating, any dream will do

A crash...The World & i...

HARRY'S HANDS

Harry's hands are hands of mystery
Connected to all calamities
Harry's hands are hands of mystery
They're accused of all burglaries

Harry's hands ain't what they used to be
Harry's hands can't take anymore
Harry's hands are hands of honesty
It's a tragedy

Chorus:
And nobody understands, that harry's
Handcuffed hands falsely accused, he's confused
They made harry's life hell, locked harry in a cell
And put the blame, they put the blame on...
Harry's hands oo oo harry's hands oo oo

Harry's hands ain't what they were before
The coppers call harry a criminal
Honest harry, he never broke the law
It's a tragedy

Chorus
Judge: "harold hands, you are an habitual criminal,
I therefore sentence you to 125 years imprisonment"

Chorus...(Guitar Bit)

Harry's hands oo oo

DAVID'S XR2

"david man, yer haven’t finished yer tea"
"it doesn't matter, i can't wait to drive my xr2"
"oh david, don't drive fast david"
"see ya!"
"david, david...David!"

I don't wanna be alive, if i ain't on the road
Wheels off the ground the speed o'sound, stuff the highway code

Electric windows down, sound system, size ten
What a prat they say "that boys racers back again"

Chorus:
The engine soared as he got faster
He bought a ford fiesta
He can't wait to accelerate
In his jet car, xr...2

I never leave my xr 2, of that there ain't no fear
The only time, is when i'm watching top gear

40 fog lamps on the front, twin spoilers, i agree
The meanest man on the autobahn, nobody gets past me

Chorus
The engine soared as he got faster
He bought a ford fiesta
Upside down, the wheels spun round
On his jet car, xr...2

"he's driving me maaaaaaad"

POT LUCK PERCY

I would rather be percy, rather than me
I wanna be percy
I would rather be percy, rather than me

Persia’s got more money, more money than me
I wish i could be percy
I would rather be percy rather than me...Rather Than me...

Chorus:
We wanna be, wanna be wanna be
We all wanna be you
We all wanna be, wanna be wanna be
Percy we wanna be you

Percy says that he's no more lucky than me
How can he be serious
Percy is more lucky, more lucky than me

Percy's got more girlies, more girlies than me
I'm full o' jealousy
He could spare a girlie, one girlie for me...Girlie For me...

Chorus:
He wins when he bets on the bandit,
He spends all night in the bingo hall
He's lucky in the bookies, & you'll always hear him call...House

Chorus...Percy We wanna be you

IVY'S LURID LIPS

Looking at her reflection,
Ivy thought, i'll shock don
When i get my face lift, when i get my face lift done,
You'll see, don is gonna want to snog with me

But they all grimace, an insult to the human race
A wifey with mick jagger's face

Chorus:
Lurid lips, ivy's...Lurid Lips ivy's
Ivy's, ivy's lips are a bleedin' disgrace
Lurid lips, ivy's...Lurid Lips ivy's
Ivy brennans gotta chipmunks
Ivy's lips gotta chipmunks face

Ivy took the chance
Ordered her lip implants
Now she worships her king-size lips
But her three grand gob
Cost ivy her job

Now ivy's lost her loot
Ivy is destitute
Ivy's lips got ivy the boot

Chorus/guitar bit/ivy ivy...

Chorus...Lurid Lips...

THE PSYCHOSURGERY

I'd have a hysterectomy, i'd have a blood transfusion
I'd even have a vasectomy, with no trousers on
Spend a month in the infirmary, operate on me night & day
But my dentures disappear everytime i hear them say
Psycho, psychosurgery

Chorus:
Let me out, let me out
Dumped in the dentists chair
Psyiiicho surgery, psiiicho surgery
Let me out, let me out
I'm in agony, i must be dumb, i should'na come
To the psychosurger, psychosurgery

I'd have a leg amputated, you can pull my appendix out
Fix a foot that's dislocated, i'll say i felt nowt
Acupuncture ain't no problem, bravery's my middle name
But i just can't face that fang filling place again
Psycho, psychosurgery

Chorus/guitar time/

I'll never set foot down that dental nutters lane...Again

Chorus...Let Me out

RON DIXON DUMPED D-D

Na na na

D-d's got a horses head, enough to make yer sick
How could ron dixon have wed red rum with lipstick
The most repulsive sight on earth, to ugly to discuss
How could anyone give birth to a bird so hideous

Chorus:
Ron dixon, ron dixon he,
Ron dixon he, dumped d-d
Ron dixon, ron dixon he,
Ron dixon he, dumped d-d

D-d she could not believe when bev got the hots for ron
But d-d ronny did deceive, deceitful ron dixon
The chance that ron had waited for, he gave d-d the push
This was the last time ronny saw d-d's monstrous mush

Ron dixon...Guitar Time...Ron Dixon

Ron dixon he dumped d-d...D-d

LAZY SUNDAY AFTERNOON

Wouldn't it be nice to get on with my neighbours
But they make it very clear they've got no room for ravers

Chorus:
Lazy sunday afternoon
I got no time to worry
I close my eyes & drift away

Here we all are sittin' in a rainbow
Cor blimy 'allo mrs. Jones, how's your berts lumbago'

Diddly may...

I'll sing you a song with no words & no tune
Sing in your party while you suss out the moon

Chorus...Quiet Passage

Roody doody do, roody doody di day
Roody doody dum a reedy deedy do dee

There's no one to hear me, there's nothing to say
& no one can stop me from feeling this way

Chorus...Lazy Sunday afternoon...

BOWLING BARMY

Bowling barmy, oo oo
She's got bowling blues
Bowling socks, bowling shoes
Bowling night & day hey

She waits miserably
Down the bowling alley
He's a bowling junky
Bowls his life away

Always, always, he's off with the bowling team
Always, always, bowling to the extreme

Chorus:
Bowling, bowling, bowling barmy
They yell yikes at his spares & strikes
Champ, i'm the champion
Bowling, bowling, bowling barmy
Ten pins down, the bowling crown
& a medal with a skittle on
Bowling barmy

Boasting bowler, don't care
I've got trophies everywhere
He's too much to bear
Bowling barmy...

Chorus:
Bowling bowling bowling bowling bowling bowling bowling
Bowling bowling bowling barmy