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IDLE GOSSIP
Vocals and Guitar - Olga
Bass and Vocals - Dean
Drums and Vocals - Teddy
Produced by Michael Chapman
Engineered by Roy Neave
Recorded at Fairview Studios, Hull, UK
Olga: "If it wasn’t for the awful production on this album it would have been really nice. There are some nice songs completely ruined by over production, again recorded out in the countryside in Willerby, in the summer time, no aircon, we were dying! I remember rehearsing each track in the farmers field next door. It took about 3 weeks to record and mix."
IDLE GOSSIP
Guess who's working on the fiddle
Tell me who works on the fiddle
I'll tell you who works on the fiddle
Oooo ooo idle gossip
Guess whose just come off the pill
Tell me who's come off the pill
Oooo ooo idle gossip.
They must be thick, it's everywhere you go
It makes me sick, i just don't wanna know
About who's in the latest news, oh no.
Chorus:
Everybody wants to know the rumours
Everybody wants to know the scandal
Idle, idle,......... Gossip.
Guess who can't pay their gas bill
Tell me who can't pay the bill
I'll tell you who can't pay the bill
Oooo ooo idle gossip
Guess who i slept with last night
Tell me where you slept last night
Oooo ooo idle gossip
Chorus
DO YOU WANNA BE LIKE DOUGY BELL?
Ran over by a bus up the high street
Dougy only feels a tickle in his feet
The driver shouts oi! Are you alright
But dougy's on his way
Dougy then has a little mishap
When a geezer comes along and gives him a slap,
Dougy said it's wise that you apologize
Or else you'll face d d d dougy
Chorus:
Beware, beware, beware, beware,
Never never mess with dougy bell
Beware beware beware beware
Never never mess with him
D you, d you, d you, do you wanna be like dougy
Or d you, d you, d you, d you wanna be like me
I wanna wanna wanna be like dougy.
Dougy's getting sick of burglaries
He's changed all the locks
And he's bought new keys
He's gonna get the robber no matter what it takes
He's gonna die
Dougy sits waiting with a hammer on his bed
Some dirty rogues gonna get a sore head
Fifteen villains or maybe even more
Ran when they saw d d d dougy
Chorus
Oh dougy's in the backroom playing pool,
He's lost five quid but he keeps his cool,
Dougy is a winner, he'll not be beat,
So the game goes on.
Dougy!
Half an hour later when the poolroom's in a wreck
The opposition tries to stick something down his neck,
He began the cry cause he was gonna die
Cause he fooled with da da da da dougy.
Chorus
THE LAMBRUSCO KID
I'm always felling lonely
I'm always feeling blue
She was the one and only
She said she loved me too
But now she's gone and left me
Just like they always do
Now i'm always full of misery
I don't know what to do
I'm always on a downer
I should be feeling fine
I'm never on an upper
I need a swig o' wine
Now he's always dizzy coz
He's busy with fizzy lambrusco
I'm getting fat and lazy
I always look a mess
I need a little drinky poos
To bring me happiness
So give him a bottle of that fizzy stuff
A lambrusco kids a kid with sense
He's always at the off license with me...
Chorus:
Now we've found the answer
To stop you feelin low
A bottle of fizzy wine
They call it lambrusco
I'm always feeling lousy
But i know that when
I've had a glass o' lamby
I'll be smiling again
So give him a bottle of that fizzy stuff...Chorus
That's what they call me, lambrusco kid
That's what they call me, i'm the lambrusco kid
I'm such a misery guts
I'm dirty and i stink
I've always got a pet lip
I need another drink.
So give him a bottle of that fizzy stuff...Chorus
YOU WON'T BE MERRY ON A NORTH SEA FERRY
An ad on the telly put a lump in my belly
Sail with the north sea sail with the north sea ferries
You'll laugh all the way with so little to pay
Sail with the north sea sail with the north sea boys.
The food will choke you, the staff provoke you
The captain doesn't care noooo
The captain doesn't care noooo
Chorus:
Ahoy! Sailings everyday, ahoy it's the only way
I feel sick i feel sick,
North sea ferry’s done the trick
Ahoy beat the traffic jam, ahoy hull to rotterdam
I feel sick & my cabin's freezin' cold
Ooh i booked north sea ferries
What a silly boy
You won't be merry on a north sea ferry
Ahoy! Ahoy! Ahoy!
Get across the sea & so cheaply
Sail with the north sea sail with the north sea ferries
So book a trip on a north sea ferry ship
Sail with the north sea sail with the north sea boys.
The food will choke you, the staff provoke you...
Chorus
HARRY CROSS (A TRIBUTE TO EDNA)
Harry cross, harry cross he's not a lucky bloke
He's always blue what can he do now edna's had a stroke
Harry cross, harry cross she's always in his head
Now edna's kicked the bucket edna's snuffed it edna's dead.
9 o'clock the postman knocks but harry's still in bed
"go away" harry'll say i've got an aching head
Don't bother meeeeeee
Ralph's his mate but he can't wait to get out of his way
"go away" harry'll say i want some peace today
Don't bother meeeeeee
Harry's full of misery, harry's always busily permanently down
Always being rude with
Always in a mood with raaaaaaaaalph
Chorus
It's such a task for ralph to ask to borrow harry's car
Oh "here's the keys" now get lost please have you gone yet?
Tara! Don't bother meeeeeeeee
Harry's full of misery, harry's always busily permanently down...
Chorus
He's always sad n' lonely now harry's lost his wife
Coz edna was the only lady in his life
And now he takes it out on raaaaaalph.
Chorus
GEORDIE'S GONE TO JAIL
He's not a thief or a burglar
He never robbed a bank
He didn't commit murder
All geordie's bullets were blank
Set geordie free, coz geordie's not guilty
He's a good guy
The guy they never saw
The coppers were mistaken
Geordie never broke the law
Set geordie free, he never shot nobody at all.
Chorus:
Geordie, ooooh he's the innocent party
Geordie, ooooh they've locked him away
Geordie, ooooh never shot nobody at all
Geordie, ooooh geordie's gone to jail.
He never takes any drugs
(only penicillin) when he's got a headache
The fingerprint wasn't geordie's
Geordie's never been a villain.
Set geordie free, he never shot nobody at all.
Chorus.. (guitar bit)
Geordie's got a pistol
It's for self defense
But he didn't pull the trigger
He committed no offence.
Set geordie free, he never shot nobody at all.
Chorus
SILLY BILLY
Billy's confused he's been abused,
Billy's bemused with barbara,
She went with billy but he's so silly
She's finished with him now.
All the wedding plans have gone down the drain
Will billy ever see babs again?
Chorus:
He's a silly billy,
Why can't billy not see?
That babs is just a slag she's a dirty bag
She just wants his willy
But poor billy can't see
That she's a trollop & he's a silly billy
Babs is back she's got the knack
Knows how to wrap him round her finger
Her little finger
A kiss and a cuddle now billy's in a muddle
Coz babs has gone again
Now what's gonna happen to the honeymoon?
Babs has gone & billy's been a goon.
Chorus
IF YOU'RE IN A POP GROUP YOU'LL END UP PAYING A FORTUNE PRACTICING AT PETER PRACTICE'S PRACTICE PLACE
Give us the money peter practice says to us
Give us the money quickly don't make a fuss
Give us the money....
Pete takes the pop groups he'll even take the trash
But if you practice at peter's place
You must have plenty cash
Give pete the money the he'll let you have the key
Give pete the money then you can practice free
It's icy cold in peter's place
But don't switch on the heater
Coz you'll end up putting 10 quid in
Pete's electric meter.
Do you want some crisps and pop?
They're all on sale at pete's tuck shop
We will have to put a stop to peter
Chorus:
We all give peter the money
We've all been a mug
We all give peter the money now
Give us the cash give us the bread
Give us the money
Money's gone to peter's head.
If you are stuck
Pete will lend you an amplifier
But when it's time to go
He'll say five pound hire
Do you want some crisps and pop?...
Chorus
All the pop groups are nearly broke
This has gone far beyond the joke
Peter practice is a rich bloke now
PC STOKER
Stoker is a boy in blue
And he must be the worst
He's a copper!
Stoker someday he'll get you
But you won't be the first
He's a copper
He's a police constable
That makes us feel uncomfortable
He's a copper
No more football in the street
Or neckin with your girlfriend
Stoker's on the beat again...
Chorus:
He's a bobby he's a joker
He's a bobby we want dead
He's a bobby, p.c. Stoker why
Can't we have a decent copper
Proper copper instead?
Stoker loves to see a fight
He really goes to town
He's a copper
Stoker's smiling with delight
He's took somebody down
He's a copper
He'll prove you guilty in the court
You'll wish that you had never fought
A copper
Don't cry or shout or scream or yell
There's nothing you can do
When stoker's in the cell with you
Chorus
The united team supporters
Have invaded the pitch
That's p.c. Stoker's quarters so
He finds his talky switch
I need some help down here boys
There's punks and skinheads too
And we all hate p.c. Stoker &
We hate the boys in blue.
Stoker's rather fed up coz
There's no one else to nick
He's a copper
Someone soon will kick his head in
Just you wait n' see
It needs somebody tough
Coz we've all had enough
Yes it needs somebody tough
But i think it won't be me
Chorus
I TRIED TO TRUST TRACEY
Ooooh, ooooo
She's a fibber
She's always telling him lies
He can't trust her
No matter how he tries
She swore to me
That i would always be the one
Then she blew me out she's upped and gone
Will she ever change
She won't fib to me again
Or will she stay the same way as before
Chorus:
I tried tried tried to trust tracy
Never trust tracy.. She's not trustworthy
I tried.........
You shouldn't trust...
You shouldn't trust tracy.
They both agreed she'll meet him at 9:30
She was not there
Coz tracy was with me.
Will she ever change...
Chorus
KEITH'S A THIEF
Keith works every night & day
Honesty's his goal
But keith's a thief coz he's
Still claiming dole
What a fiddler keith is
He thinks he won't be caught
But keith is gonna end up in court
The ss men will knock on the door
And keith won't be working no more
Keith keith keith's a thief...
He's making money on the sly
Which he does not declare
No invoices or receipts anywhere
Locked in the room with the c.i.d.
Rather you keith than me...
Keith keith keith's a thief...
Keith is keith is keith's a thief
A rip off and a con
Keith is keith is keith's a thief
And he's still signing on
Keith is keith is keith's still signing on
I'm not deceitful he does say
I tell them all the facts
But keith's a thief
Coz he dodges the tax
The ph team will get keith
Coz we all know that keith's a thief
I'LL GET EVEN WITH STEVEN (STEVE IS TENDER)
Steve is tender steve is sweet
She'll never let him go
Steven made her life complete
That's why i hate him so
Would she ever really understand
I came to durham all the way from sunderland,
When i got there i could not believe
She'd gone with that trendy creep called steve
How could she forsake me and see this puff,
Is it coz of me she's had enough
Everytime i rang she was not there
I'm sorry but she's out, she's out with steve again somewhere!
Chorus:
She's in love with steven, steven
Gonna get even, gonna get steven,
Then she won't love steven, steven
Gonna get eve, gonna get steve.
Are she and steve really in love like she says they are
Or is it just because steven's dad lends him the car
Or is it coz i'm ugly and steven's not
Or does he have something that i haven't got
Chorus
I'm gonna make him black & blue
I'm gonna kick his head in
He won't know what to do
Chorus
